May 18, 2012

Good Things.

It seems like the last two weeks have crawled by at a snails pace. The school days seem long and tedious and the weekends feel far too short and incomplete. We only have 2 more weeks of school remaining until summer (only 1 more full week!), and I'm pretty much counting down the days.

Since the sun is around a little later into the day, I've been making sure to drive more with the windows down, sleep with the windows up, and sit outside as much as possible. This transition into summer is my favorite time of year. There's something about the scent of fresh cut grass, the warmth of the air, and the longer sunset that feels rejuvenating. I've been feeling extremely inspired recently--to paint, to read, to write, to stitch--but have just been lacking on the time. I just keep telling myself that in 2 more weeks I'll have (mostly) all the time I'll need!

I've been working a lot on myself recently and am finally starting to see some change. It's nothing huge, but I've been trying to really adapt the "in the moment" mentality when handling stress, nervousness, and most importantly, when I've been feeling inadequate. It's pretty hard changing your frame of mind, there have been a few strategies and mantras I've gotten from this book that have really been working for me. For example, today I experienced a pretty excruciating situation at work that left me feeling pretty awful and negative about myself. Instead of over-analyzing it, I simply took a long walk back to my office and repeated the same phrase over and over again until I could find some kind of peace. I have control of my reactions and am not the owner of other people's behaviors or perceptions. I have no control over how they react or make themselves look. It sounds simple, but I have really had to work on this throughout the last year. I'm not sure if it's because I've been spending more time meditating or being by myself this school year, but for some reason I've been struggling disconnecting myself from the feelings of others.

Having this experience today, considering how horrible it felt in the moment, ended up being pretty positive because it showed me that I was growing as a person and truly adapting a lot of the material I had been studying. I'll take that feeling of success over anyone's cruel behavior any day.

In other news, with this summer coming up, I feel like I have finally found a balance between keeping busy/working and thorough relaxation. I have a lot planned for the week between the end of school and graduation; meetings and planning sessions with other teachers. To be honest, I'm even already looking forward to next school year. Even though this year has had it's ups and downs, I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my new school and am really looking forward to a lot of the changes that will be in place come August. We're switching to a new daily schedule that I'm really looking forward to trying out. We're hiring at least 2 new English teachers, which will freshen the environment and the vibes of the school.

Either way, I have come to the realization that things are good. I'm pretty lucky to be looking forward to some awesome summer plans and am fortunate that my husband not only has a job, but has the same work schedule as I. I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow and soaking in more of that warm sunshine.

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