I have been thinking about this a lot. Why does blogging exist and why does anyone do it? More importantly, why do I blog?
To be perfectly honest, I'm not 100% of my answer, as it inevitably is pretty personal, but here goes...
To begin this discussion (as it could end up being a very long discussion, indeed...), I want to start with what I have learned about myself over the last few years (for better or for worse).
The big three that I think have the most to do with blogging are:
- It's hard for me to consider a person a good friend.
- I am 50% blend between introvert and extrovert.
- I get along with boys better than girls.
So what do these have to do with blogging? Well, let's start from the top.
Are you a good friend?
It takes me a very long time to consider someone a friend. I can know you for years, but if I don't think you're trustworthy, or have our friendship's best interested at heart, forget it. Throughout middle, high, and college, I had an extremely close friend. We had been through deaths, divorces, illnesses, breakups, and still kept each other pretty happy all the while. Long story short-- nearly a year after college graduation, I lost all contact with him, with no explanation. Three years later, I have moved on, but am still pretty hurt. Because this wasn't the first situation where a friend decided to move on in a different direction that did not include me, it has left me feeling more defensive than anything else. For me to consider you a good friend, I need to feel safe in our relationship. I need to know that what I say will not be repeated and you have a mutual respect for me and my privacy. I feel like I have a hard time making true friends, because I don't share a lot of common interests with girls (that I have met yet, at least), but more on that later.
When I started Donna's Decembers blog in January of 2010, my hope was to document life, my relationship with Cory, and my exploration throughout crochet. I now realize blogging can offer so much more than that. I see incredible friendships made through the blogging and handmade worlds and see how supportive they are. I miss having that support, common interests, and I think, above all else, that's what I'm looking for.
I have always considered myself extremely extroverted, but now I'm realizing I've probably upped the bar too high. I don't really speak up unless I feel like what I want to say has some value, which causes me frustration when people "cut me off" mid-sentence, or completely ignore me. Um, hello! I wouldn't be talking if I didn't think you would like to know what I'm about to say! Anyway, because I have no problem sharing, conversing, or talking to complete strangers, I always thought I was really out there. As I get older I find myself much more reserved. I don't deal with petty conversations, especially when they involve drama or degrading someone else. It irritates me more than anything. Now, because I don't have many close friends where I live (aside from my husband, they live in amazing places like New York City or Boston), I turned to the blog to record my thoughts and inspirations and so forth. For me, it has been very hard to find girls who are down to earth, laid back, and enjoy (one or all of) the following: reading AND talking about what they read, making things (ie: crafting, crocheting, etc.), taking in as much culture as possible in their free time. I mean, I know it's out there. It has to be.
And the biggie:
Boys vs. Girls
In the 2nd grade my best friend was a boy named Tony. In middle-college, it was the young man referenced above (who out of respect for him and his family, I will keep anonymous, because they still truly mean a lot to me), and now, I find myself wanting to hang out with Cory and his friends rather than making my own.
I can't stand little stuff. I don't notice when someone doesn't call me back and I definitely don't take it personally. If need be, I'll just call them again the next day. I don't take offense if you don't come over to my house because it's a far drive, and I definitely don't mind when you want your privacy. I have had such a hard time finding gals who are confident in themselves, laid back, and mature enough to not take miniscule details to heart. I just cannot be bothered to put out the energy in comparing myself to everyone else and wondering if they're talking about me or any of the other issues that seem to be invading my world without my permission. I'm just over it. It has been so tiresome for me to be in an environment where I feel this is all there is. It can't be, or I will be very sad.
Let me set the record straight:
I know I have been guilty. I know that I will not like everyone I meet, and I know I have said horrible things in the past. But it has been in the past. I have grown from those experiences as I saw how horrible they made me feel after the fact. To be perfectly honest, I feel like it's common for everyone to go through this stage of "just wanting to fit in" so you start gossiping like a mad woman so the others will take you seriously. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't even take myself seriously after gossiping like a mad woman.
So I stopped. I want nothing to do with it anymore.
I don't understand this hater trend that is popular with middle-aged women. Are you jealous? Insecure? What is it? And beyond all else, why are you taking it out on so many people who would NEVER do that to you!? It's a world I do not wish to know.
For me, guys go with the flow. If they fight, give them a few weeks and once they see each other again, everything will be worked out. Girls, on the other hand, hold serious grudges. I can talk sports with guys, or pop culture, or music, or what I'm reading, or... just name it. I feel like as soon as I mention one of those topics in a group of girls, either they have zero knowledge about the subject, or they think I'm trying to "show off" to whatever guy is around. ugh! It just happens to be what I read about online or am interested in at the moment.
In blogland, I have met so many incredible women. These gals are serious about their trade, they are confident in what they do (or at least are to the point where I have mad respect for them), they are great mothers, they are so supportive of each other and all the newbies, and more than that, they're just low key.
That's why I blog! If I can't find it in my day-to-day, I know I can find it here.
There are so many people in this country, let alone in the world, who are so similar to me or need the same respect in friendship that I mentioned above, and blogging may be the only way for us to connect with each other! We're all here to let our voices have a place, and we all want the support and encouragement--it's just part of human nature.
So I guess my bottom line is, blogging has given me what I haven't been able to find much of in my corner of the world.
For that, I am incredibly thankful.
P.S. This is an incredibly interesting topic for me and a lot of times I feel like I'm all alone in the world, so if you can relate in any way, please leave comments or email me at donnasdecembers(at)gmail(dot)com!