I think I need to vent.
Do you mind?
I have been feeling really run down the last few days. I've been feeling generally disappointed when I look back at the progress I've made on my work and home To Do Lists. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed? I'm not sure, but I'm not comfortable in this place.
Ultimately, work has been my biggest stressor. Because of 3 major snow storms that crushed the mid-Atlantic last winter, my school system had to extend the school year an extra two weeks. Normally this would not be a big deal, as we are used to snow each winter, but our school year started earlier than usual this year. Therefore, my summer was consumed entirely by wedding planning and at the last minute, prepping for school.
I feel like I never got a break.
However, I know that I had such a memorable summer and am grateful for the time I got to spend with my family and friends. But, I do believe that my lack of "me" time this summer is projecting onto my general attitude this school year.
School is weird this year. My students and I aren't gelling as much as I would hope (which might be unfair to say since I had such a lovely group of students last year...I was spoiled), but I think it's from an ambiguous pressure that teachers feel on them more than usual. My plate is full and each time I take something off, another project looms. Maybe I need to cut back my responsibility as Student Government advisor, or use a different strategy when it comes to balancing my role as an English teacher and my role as an advisor. It's a hard balance to keep. It normally results in me being at school until 5:30 or 6 most evenings.
What bothers me most, is that I really do like my job, but all I want to do is crochet, produce product, and promote Donna's Decembers. I am becoming resentful at how much "after-hours" work I must complete each and every day as a teacher. Hours of planning, grading, and advising that often bleed into my time at home. I leave my house at 7 a.m. to be at work by 7:30, which is an hour early. I rarely leave at my contractual time, 4 p.m. I am at school until 5:30 or 6, and rarely finish everything I need for the next day. really love the creative part of my life and I want to be able to embrace it more. I am just so tired when I get home that I want to curl up with Cory or one of the cats and sleep.
How can I stretch my day so I feel more fulfilment from what I love to do? How can I balance my creative life and mix it into my work life?
Thank you for listening. Sometimes I just need an ear.
Any other teachers out there feel me on this one?